Defend Traditional Dating
THE SANTA CLARA
January 9, 2014
The hookup culture is defined by Urban Dictionary online as “the era … when hooking up has replaced traditional dating as the preferred method of heterosexual liaison.”
However, I think the hookup culture’s values and morals are questionable and deserve reassessment.
When college students think of dating, they tend to explain it as hooking up with the same person regularly. Long-term basically means two nights instead of one.
When I started at Santa Clara, I became conditioned to this mindset, believing that actual dating was impossible.
My current boyfriend, however, asked me on a date in a cordial and gentlemanly way, and has been taking me on romantic dates ever since. That’s not to say that doing homework, watching a movie or going to a party doesn’t count as something worth doing together. I know now that there is much more than that to a relationship.
There’s commitment, compatibility, comfort, mutual respect and this crazy thing where you actually value each other’s thoughts and feelings — something very much lacking in hookup culture.
I made excuses for too long, and it’s time other people stop making them, too. What happened to old-fashioned values where men and women respected each other and looked for a partner they enjoyed seeing in the daylight?
The hookup culture seems to have detrimental effects to self-esteem as well. I hear far too often about someone who had a bad day, so they go out and end up with a regrettable hookup.
Many college guys feel pressure to avoid commitment at their young age and to have a story to tell on Saturday morning. A lot of girls feel pressure to optimize their sexuality, while being scared to “define the relationship” (or lack thereof), for fear he will never text her again.
A lot of us contribute to the problem. We defend the culture by being unwilling to challenge it.
The only way to escape this lifestyle is to make the conscious decision to avoid it, despite social consequences. Sure, it may not be what everyone else is doing, but until you demand the treatment you deserve, you’ll never get it.
Finding someone you truly enjoy sharing your life with is underrated in our small Santa Clara bubble.
Relationships deserve a fighting chance. They require hard work and attention. But until people stop responding to booty calls and start going on dates, the hookup culture will prevail.
Alexandra Armas is a senior communication major.