Horoscopes

Aries

You're the master of dorm room cuisine, and your survival kit consists of instant ramen and Takis. If you are lethargic, think about changing your diet a bit.

Taurus

It’s midterm season and you keep using the phrase that you are “in the trenches.” Please stop. You are just a student, it is time to act like it.

Gemini

Your boyfriend only takes you on dates to In-N-Out. You can do better. At least force him to take you to the American treasure of Mendocino Farms. 

Cancer

Your class crush is probably going to ask you out. Have him take you to Teleferic and order the most expensive paella on the menu. You are worth it.

Leo

Bro. We are not even halfway through October and you are already thinking about Christmas. Is this your version of therapy?

Virgo

You keep making jokes in your B70 class thinking that everyone finds it funny. The students do, but it might be a good idea to stop considering your professor–who you are making fun of– gives you a grade.

Libra

You need to stop stalking the Instagrams of your classmates. You should have learned from when you liked an old photo on your boss’s Facebook.

Scorpio

Your ambition leads you to the dean's list AND a framed photo at the 7/11.

Sagittarius

You are the type of person that no one wants as a die partner. But what you lack in skill you make up for in intelligence.  

Capricorn

Wow. Friends should almost always be there to support you but you rely on that a bit too much. Some things are not meant to be shared. 

Aquarius

You are more mature than this. Do better. 

Pisces

You have a job offer and–trust me–we all know. Might be time to practice some humility for a bit.