“How I’m Feeling Now;” Musings from Home
Mellifluous melodies born from at-home melancholy
Charli XCX has done it again, releasing an electro-pop album that will go down in history for its relevant observations of the world around her. And this time, she did it in only six weeks.
On May 15, British singer-songwriter Charli XCX released, “How I’m Feeling Now”—an album written and recorded entirely during the singer’s last few weeks in quarantine. The album comes less than a year after the release of her self-titled record “Charli,” which received a wave of admiration and praise for its futuristic, experimental sound.
Charli established herself as a mainstream artist early in her career, with consistently crisp pop vocals on hits like “Boys,” “1999” and her collaboration with Icona Pop “I Love It.” But “How I’m Feeling Now” shifts listeners into an electro-pop daydream that reflects Charli’s personal observations from her time spent handling social isolation.
Part of the excitement surrounding “How I’m Feeling Now” came from Charli’s unusually transparent creative process. Early in her production phase, Charli announced that she wanted her newest album to be a collaborative project that would bring fans into every level of the artistic process.
Throughout the month of April, Charli played demos of her singles on Instagram live and asked fans to tune in to share their opinions. When she got stuck while writing lyrics, she crowd-sourced material from celebrity friends via public Zoom calls. And she even asked fans to send in clips of themselves to use for the album’s visual features. Charli built up a community of supporters around her who all have a stake in the album.
Charli’s transparency in documenting her creative process online is a disruption from the cookie-cutter mold of how hit songs are normally made. Tradition says that the making of a number one song is dependent on hours in the studio, award-winning producers and an air of secrecy over the project. But the pandemic has given artists like Charli the ability to break that mold and share their work openly, in order to grow closer with their fans.
They are as much a part of “How I’m Feeling Now,” as she is.
The album’s opener, “Pink Diamond,” starts off strong, with an aggressive beat and straightforward lyrics expressing Charli’s desire to get out of the house and party. Yet, it starts to die out towards the middle, as Charli sings, “I just wanna go real hard for days (days) / I just wanna feel in different ways (ways) / Every single night kinda feels the same.” The rap-sung chorus sounds forced and feels migraine-inducing—less like the familiar, sugary pop choruses that follow.
Charli’s need for a change of scenery is obvious and relatable in “Pink Diamond,” given how many of us are cooped up at home right now.
Though she expresses this shared feeling rather well, the more enjoyable tracks on “How I’m Feeling Now” come from a place of clarity, showing a vulnerable and honest reflection of life in the midst of a pandemic.
The fourth track on the album, “7 years,” is a heartfelt tribute to Charli’s seven-year relationship with her current boyfriend, Huck Kwong. The lyrics detail how quarantining with him strengthened a previously strained partnership. Her sincere, romantic insights into their relationship, complemented by synth vocal effects and an erratic beat, make the song a celebratory dedication to love and intimacy.
In “Anthems,” the second to last track on “How I’m Feeling Now,” Charli sings, “Wake up late, eat some cereal / Try my best to be physical / Lose myself in a TV show / Staring out to oblivion / All my friends are invisible / Twenty-four seven, miss ‘em all.” Her lyrics capture the overwhelming feelings of anxiety, boredom, and grief that have become universal in the last few months.
“Anthems” gets straight to the point and shows Charli at her most bored and frustrated. The first verse is quickly followed by the chorus—a desperate plea for late nights spent roaming around the city without a care in the world. The song works well because of how expressive and specific it is to the current situation. Charli’s lyrics read directly, but the collective sense of fear surrounding the pandemic makes them feel necessary and meaningful.
“How I’m Feeling Now” is an exploration of Charli’s intense desire for human connection, and her lyrics ring true for those of us who are equally as tired of isolation. In standard Charli XCX fashion, the album is packed full with busy synthetic arrangements that only accentuate her dreamy pop vocals.
In a normal world, this album wouldn’t exist. Something else would have been created in its place, likely conjured up in a studio without the suggestions of adoring fans.
But the album’s energetic albeit exhausting depiction of life in quarantine is so particular to these uncertain times that it gives listeners a sense of comfort knowing that they’re not alone.