Successful women intimidate men

By Divya Malik

A cousin of mine is a successful lawyer in Los Angeles who has it all, it seems: her own home, a car and a promising career. She has worked hard for all she has, but it seems the confidence and strength she embodies has her lacking in the dating department.

When she goes out to bars and tells men she meets that she is a lawyer, they feel pressured to tell her that they have an equally impressive job, immediately lying that they are doctors, lawyers or rich businessmen. One guy she met didn't even bother coming up with a good enough lie and simply walked away after learning she was a lawyer.

Was he intimidated by her, I wonder?

Now I ask you single, educated Santa Clara women out there: ever had an amazing date with a guy and never heard from him afterward? Did you spend countless hours wondering why he never called you back? Could something you have said offended him? Did he hate the outfit you were wearing?

It seems that these days, women are meeting men who are quick to run in the opposite direction from them. But this is not because they are doing something to turn them off. It is because men are feeling intimidated by the successful woman of the modern times.

Women have overcome great obstacles in order to claim the respect, dignity and equal rights they receive today. More women are obtaining a college degree, pursuing professional careers and immersing themselves in the political environment than ever before.

In fact, according to the MSN article "Too successful for a mate?" by Kris Frieswick, 61 percent of master's degrees bestowed in 2007 were to women.

But does all the success and power that women have obtained and continue to gain have to take a toll on their personal relationships with men?

Suppose you have two women: one successful, ambitious, goal-oriented and independent, that seems very well put together, and a woman who has mediocre motivation in life and seems to need a man to be content.

Who do you suppose a man would choose to be with? According to MSN, dating experts have found that highly accomplished men tend to marry women who are on lower professional and educational levels than they are, traditionally choosing women over whom they can exert control.

The first woman not only has intellect, drive and a strong sense of self, but can also contribute great things to a relationship, such as balance, spontaneity and fun challenges. But apparently, guys want to be on top and in charge all of the time. This is not only surprising but frustrating, since most independent and successful women work hard for their power and success.

Carolyn Kaufman, a 33-year-old professor with a doctorate in clinical psychology, feels she deserves a man who not only accepts her success but who compliments it as well. "I have this crazy belief that I have the right to expect my potential partner to be at least as successful as I am, and to have as many things to offer as I do."

With women becoming more independent and self sufficient, the dynamics of the stereotypical relationship have surely and thankfully changed. But, unfortunately, men across cultures have lived with the notion that men work and women stay at home. Thus, men have the money and the power, and women must answer to them. Many men still hold these common stereotypes to be true even today. So when they meet a woman who does not fit the framework that they have conceptualized, they are immediately prone to be intimidated by her success, her power and her independence.

When they see a woman who has had her own taste of success and sufficiency, they begin to feel insecure about their own findings and accomplishments and may even think that they can provide absolutely nothing for such a successful woman. Hence all the "doctors" we women meet when we go bar-hopping.

So the question is: should women have to compromise their success in order to get a man?

Only recently have women been able to overcome the barriers that have been oppressing them for years. They are finally on the road to reach their fullest potential. Successful women, and all other women for that matter, should not want a guy who lives by the archaic stereotype that men are superior to women.

Women should live by the standards they have established for themselves, even if they are considered too idealistic and ridiculous. These standards will bring on a man who not only caters to their needs, but a man who loves them for everything they represent and supports their dreams and ambitions.

Divya is a political science and psychology double major.