The Darticle: The Darty Rankings

Photo Credit: Toni Spellacy

People enjoy the day at the winning darty: ZBTahiti

It's fall! Thank God it's 95 degrees in October so we can all sweat together at one of many day-time parties, or, as lovely referred to by 20-year-olds everywhere, darties. And of course, in broad daylight where everyone can see and judge you, especially if you are hurling in the dirt by the fence! And of course, don't forget to wear minimal clothing, and prepare your stomach for fireball shooters–I don't know who thought that was a good idea. Confession: I love the occasional darty. It's not for everyone, but it is for me. Even with the afternoon nap—which could be called passing out—and feeling awful until 10 p.m., I can't say no to a silly little party to waste my Saturday.

Because of my love for the humble darty, and the absolute pleasure I had in being out on September 28—Day Of Four Darties, I'm here to rank them in reverse order for your viewing pleasure. Don't take any offense, it's all love for our honorable and hardworking fraternities. Please don't send your pledges after me. 

4. Deltopia - Phi Delt

Ok guys, what the hell. I really feel for them, and I heard somebody say this was their first darty ever, so props I guess. However, arriving did feel a little bit like walking into a pregame that you weren't invited to. No one's going to say anything to you, and you will be uncomfortable. Saving grace is there were drinks, but if no one's there to drink them they generally last longer. I had the pleasure of talking to an Anonymous Phi Delt Member outside the party and asked for a comment. I received a delightful response: "Did you get roofied? No? Great party!" Glad to see we are prioritizing the safety of women, fellas.

3. Texas - Sig Chi

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't make it to this. It wasn't in the one-street vicinity that I felt able to traverse at the time. This is a me problem, I know, but it's just the way the cookie crumbled. I did get opinions from some fellow The Santa Clara workers who did attend, and I got back unenthused, but positive, reviews. Kind of like when your parents ask how lunch with your grandpa and his new girlfriend was. But I heard there were fireball shooters and a mechanical bull, so good enough? No comment from me

2. Safari(?) - Pike

OK, now we're talking! There were a fair amount of people here, and sometimes that's the most we can ask. My second positive is that they had Red Bulls at the bar, and at this point in my excursion, that seemed like a major win. There was a pool, if you're into that. A frat water fixture has always screamed STI to me, but to each their own. I was able to interview one independent, non-affiliated senior student—aka, some random-ass man. He said, "Pretty nice venue! It's a splendid day, and it's great having everyone here together." Not sure if he was paid to say that, but we'll take it!

1.  Tahiti - ZBT

Tahiti is a national holiday for me. I may be biased, and maybe this is the theme I chose to dress for, but they really do throw a great darty. Crowded, but you can still walk around, and there is some sort of large inflated animal being tossed about the crowd. The bar was moved to the far corner of the yard, which if you've been around you know as a change. Lowkey, great tactic for getting people in. We got some business bros up in here? Marketing masters. The numbers didn't exactly make up for the loads of freshmen simply not dancing, and the random couples slow dancing to Dom Dolla, but we have to appreciate the constants in life. They also had a water mister? Very demure.

Huzzah ZBT! You've done it again! I truly don't know how we ended up with FOUR darties in one day; Phi Delt should have known this would not go their way. I'm shocked there wasn't some sort of fight to the death for the One True Syllabus Week Darty–I'd pay to watch that–but I'm pleased with the result. What a great weekend to be a Bronco.