Horoscopes

For the week of Monday October 14th

ARIES: It’s time to do a deep clean of your room and I mean a deep clean! Your mother would be ashamed of the state of it!

TAURUS: I know you want to pull an all nighter in the library to study for that midterm but take care of YOU. Is it really worth it?

GEMINI: Go get that guacamole and chips you’ve been craving for weeks! It’ll be soooooo worth it!

CANCER: You really need to do a better job at setting your Fantasy Football lineup. It’s embarrassing to see those injured players in your starting lineup…

LEO: Start your essay this weekend. You know it will be a dumpster fire if you start it the night before it's due.

VIRGO: Host a dinner for your friends this week. None of them know how to cook and they are sad.

LIBRA: There's a reason no one was at the Bronco this week. Go to the library loser. 

SCORPIO: It's a beautiful day. Go on a walk. Open a window. Your room is stuffy as hell. 

SAGITTARIUS: Watch Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted this weekend, or at least watch the circus scene on YouTube. It’s been too long. 

CAPRICORN: Don’t blow your nose too quietly, make a statement! People should fear your sneeze!

AQUARIUS: Bro! When was the last time you ate a vegetable? Get on that it’s embarrassing! 

PISCES: Mama! A girl behind you!!!