Dunn's Decrees

It’s not often that something with the pageantry of the Super Bowl has me feeling internally disgusted.

But Super Bowl LVIII has done it. Not for the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce coverage. Not for the rise of Brock Purdy. But the two wretched teams have this Raiders fan in Super Bowl jail.

No matter what happens, I cannot win on Super Bowl Sunday. Regardless of all the good food, good football and game day parties, at the end of it all one of my hated rivals will celebrate on the Raiders’ home field. Oh, that’s right–and the Super Bowl is taking place in Las Vegas? Brutality.

Either a despised division rival will be hoisting the Lombardi trophy in our stadium or a hated local rival will continue their chokehold on football discourse in the Bay Area. There are no saviors in this game. The Kansas City Chiefs will have the possibility of adding their third ring in five seasons, whereas the San Francisco 49ers may finally re-stake their claim at the mountaintop after coming up short every time since 1995.

No matter what, I’m going to hear it from some group of people. I suppose this is the world bringing me back down to Earth after the Denver Nuggets won the NBA title last summer. After all, I’m not allowed too many nice things in the sports world.

Whether it’s seeing Patrick Mahomes create magic from thin air or hearing Niners fans ride on with their hypocritical “Faithful to the Bay” motto, the despair that will set in during the opening kickoff will eat at me.

I thought I was done with this nightmare four years ago when these teams played in Super Bowl LIV. Even “rooting” for a team in this game makes me feel repulsive. I’d just like to get this over with.

Yeah, I’ll get made fun of for being a Raiders fan. That’s a part of the lifetime contract I signed when I began rooting for them. Yeah, I’ll watch the game and have some fun with the people around me.

But when the clock hits 0:00, I’m ready to get my memory wiped and pretend this all never happened.